my voice

So many voices.

So many voices inside my head that when I was ten I worried I’d inherited the crazy gene.  I had heard the stories about the crazy aunt in Jamaica.  I had my own memories of her, so faded I had to squint to remember but the craziness was clear, and I’d experienced them firsthand.  Curses and needle pricks, white ghosts running barefoot underneath the house.  I worried that if it wasn’t already in my marrow, that childhood visit surely infested my bloodstream.

During the full on crazy of high school and  what is clearly the hazing stage of being human, I felt a little less crazy.  We try on different personas and voices when we’re figuring out who we want to be in the world.  I decided I was going to be an actress. Even after we decide we still maintain a few different voices:  the voice for telemarketers, the voice used with the boss,  and the voices we use for children and dogs, which are often interchangeable.  As an actress I get a free pass to carry as many voices, personas and quirks as needed.  I practice  accents whenever I call customer service or order take-out.  beerjohnny rice and sac panyear por favor.

So it’s been curious to find myself struggling the past week to find “my voice” for this blog.  I made an assumption that it was a singular thing; I had to find IT, the voice.  But if I am the sum of all my parts (literally, on and off stage and screen) then who am I to edit in the middle.  If  the middle notes are a compendium of observations, knowledge and experiences, it has to reflect its varied sources.

It’s no coincidence, to my mind, that I’ve struggled with losing my voice this past week.  So symbolic – use it or lose it.  But also very real – a swiftly diverted cold became a raspy hoarseness with an intermittent cough.  And then phlegm.  I’m an avid believer in self-healing and prefer to raid my own pantry rather than use drugstore fixes for minor maladies.  So today I share my Ayurvedic yogi voice.   This is my go-to brew when the first signs of a cold appear.

• 2 knuckles of ginger, thinly sliced; 1 clove garlic; 1 stick cinnamon; 5 whole cardamom pods; 5 cloves; pinch of chili flakes or cayenne; 4 cups of water
• bring to boil and steep for 5 minutes.
• squeeze in half a lemon and stir in 1 tbsp raw honey.

Garlic and ginger can be adjusted to taste.  Drink as often as necessary or desired.  My pal Monica B. has a great post on coughs and Ayurveda here.