Tabula Rasa Pt 57?

Tabula rasa has been a favorite word since high school. I love a fresh start; the promise of fresh and new. I’m also a creature of habit. My morning routine is my favorite part of my day. I love my Ayurvedic ablutions, yogic stretches, cup of hot water to flush the system — and of course the ritual of coffee. I love a good ritual. I’m intrigued by fasting rituals but I’m not especially suited to fasting as I’m prone to anemia and low blood pressure. Yom Kippur, the highest holy day in the Jewish faith, was this past Monday. It’s only a quarter or an eighth of my bloodline depending on who’s math we use, but this year I committed to the 25 hour fast.

Like a child, if I understand the ‘why’ of a thing I will fully embrace the concept. If not, I’m in danger of touching all the hot things out of sheer curiosity. It’s not just about the stovetop; touching hot things can be dangerous. But I digress, back to fasting. I always understood fasting to mean cleansing. But the Yom Kippur fast is in service to a deeper spiritual purpose. Much like how yoga asanas prepare the body to sit in meditation for prolonged periods, the deprivation of not just food, but physical indulgences like perfume and sex allows for a deeper contemplation of the spirit or soul. Every time I thought about a cup of tea, or counted the hours to 7:19pm I remembered there was a why. I reflected on the year thus far and the promises or vows I hadn’t kept. Had my behavior hurt anyone? Had I gossiped or slandered someone carelessly? Who had I betrayed? I hadn’t done any major sinning, literally no body count. In the end the shocking revelation was that the person I’d most hurt or betrayed was myself.

But was it really shocking? I have a fairly constant soundtrack of self talk going, my own 24 hour news feed. It has a healthy amount of fluff pieces, but like the news cycle, a heavy dose of doom and useless chatter. The chatter that had me stall on submitting writing samples, procrastinate on reaching out to contacts and skip Pilates classes. I looked back through the calendar and a couple notebooks and saw projects deferred week after week. Eventually some were completed but there are many still in limbo. There are friends I owe long overdue calls. There is an outstanding task my agents are waiting on me to finish. Ugh, I should break up with me. Or fire me. But that’s not the point. Take stock, make amends, close the page on the year and start a fresh new year. Tabula rasa. Another one of my favorite things. Who doesn’t like a clean slate?

Regardless of religious belief I think every sentient being could benefit from an annual soul inventory. A progress report on what kind of human you’re being. It’s incredibly satisfying. I not only saw where I was falling short in my expectations of my self but I also saw accomplishments that were no longer front page news. But they did happen and taking inventory is a great memory refresher. Better to check yourself than to wreck yourself. #illatoneforthatnextyear