When the Squirrel Thoughts Come, Find a Quiet Corner

I’m sitting in the shady corner of the porch. The leaves on the trees are still lush and green providing a natural awning from the surrounding windows. It’s sunny and bright but the air is cleanly cool, not bracing. There is no subtle foreboding that soon all will be naked and barren. It’s just a perfect September morning. A brown-grey blur suddenly bolts from the hedge.

The squirrel skitters around the base of the Sycamore tree taking a couple frantic jump steps up the trunk then skitters back towards the hedge. It’s not only his tail doing that jerky semaphore squirrels are wont to do but his whole body is moving in a staccato confusion. He takes a couple more runs at the base of the tree like he’s forgotten how to climb. He speeds back towards the hedge and is back again erratically scrambling up and down the base of the tree. He’s clearly unhinged.

I watch in wonder. 

It’s like watching my own thoughts brought to life in a live action nature episode. 

Why the hell isn’t she responding to my email? How many days is reasonable to wait for a response? It’s been 48 72 hours. Okay I’m going to give until the end of the week. Shit, what if she puts the check in the mail? No, payment couldn’t have been processed yet. Direct Deposit is in everyone’s best interest. Why won’t she respond? All she has to do is send me a form. I hope she doesn’t mail the check before I make contact. I’ll follow up. ‘Please confirm receipt of this email”. That’s the ticket. Why is she not confirming receipt? WTAF? Why is she doing this to me? Okay that’s a little dramatic, she doesn’t even know me, but is this how she communicates? Why people, why?? This is my money and she’s messing up the flow of my funds.  I’m just trying to be fiscally responsible. Just confirm that the email was received. Send the form. It’s so simple. How many times have I repeated this conversation? Do I have to go back to DK whining about her not responding to my emails? She’s not even… Oh… wait, she’s not confirming receipt because… she  didn’t  receive  it. I’ve ended up in SPAM! OMG, what is wrong with me, that’s the whole point of asking please confirm, and now, the check very well could be in the mail and will fester in my mailbox until.. shoot, what time is it? 3am. No, don’t get out of bed. Ok, first thing, go back to DK, ask for an email intro so my address can be marked safe.

And so I do. And all is well. The chatter took 2 weeks to run its crazy course. 
That friends, is storytelling gone rogue.
That is the free fall spiral of the monkey mind; the chatter of squirrels feasting on crumbs of fear washed down with a splash of irrational worry. Does this ever happen to you? What do you do?

The power is in knowing it’s happening. Next time I hope to recognize the chatter sooner. But I’m grateful to have discovered the restorative power of stillness and meditation.
I am so grateful for this little corner of the porch. We can’t always take a walk on a beach or hike through a forest but somewhere there’s a corner of solitude.