hold your center

“Oh, one more thing..
“What?”
Click. The line went dead.
And so he has the last word. Negating all the words that came before. Click and zip. Zero. Nada. He cuts the connection and literally silences my argument. I am left seething in a void. There is no calling back, the phone will not be answered. The conversation is done.

He was a bully.
I didn’t recognize it then. I just thought he was a temperamental asshole.
It was a long time ago, back in the time of home phones. In the time when texts were books and electronic mail was brand new. We talked on the phone. Not a lot. This whole story doesn’t even last a month.

Like a true bully he liked to have the last word. It didn’t matter the topic. In politics, music, books and movies he didn’t just share opinions, he made pronouncements, and they were final. On occasion we’d simply be having a spirited debate, but he tired quickly when listening to ideas and voices that were not his own.
“You know what else?…” click.
“You know what you forgot?…” click.
He would call back after a bit, laughing it all off like a big joke. An early form of gaslighting. Except I knew what I felt.

I wasn’t bullied for long. I’m a quick study. It wasn’t as simple as just hanging up on a person. The cut came in choosing the moment the other person was most invested; the more inflated a balloon, the more satisfying the pop when it’s pricked. He was passionately engaged in the post game dissing of – wait, that’s another call, pause right there, click. The end.

I told you it was a short story. But I learned from my early adulting days that I don’t have to engage with the bullies. I can disconnect. Literally.
I can mute them. I can report the misuse of a hashtag.
I can block, and carry on.
The internet is an exhausting space. Everyone is jumping on everyone else’s timeline with shit to say. Sometimes solely to stir up said shit.
Flip the script. Do not be stirred.
Self care is paramount.
There is power in not engaging. Hold your power.
Bullies hate being ignored.
And they bore easily. Let them walk away.
Keep your focus. Don’t let anyone pull you off your center. Pace yourself.
This doesn’t end on November 3rd.
Whatever happens, there will still be work to do. Either way, it’s necessary and important work. We’re are laying the ground for the next four hundred years.

I like this reminder from Bernice King, Dr King’s youngest daughter,

I don’t have to respond whenever provoked.
No one does.
Steward your energy well.
We have justice work to do.
And strategy to outline.
And self-care to prioritize.
And love to live.
It’s okay to let provocateurs leave empty handed.