I need to rest. Unplug and decompress. But I remember the old adage “evil never rests”.
Black bodies are hanging from trees again. Pockets of subversive violence shatter the belief that the world is waking up to the entrenched racial biases of society’s status quo. There is a rabid minority that hates so fiercely their venom targets children. They will desecrate a place of worship.
The idea of transforming that mindset exhausts me.
But my skin is not something I can set aside and take a rest from. I need to keep fighting for the reforms that will make our societies the equitable democracies they claim to be. I need to keep fighting for my family’s future.
I’ve had the best of intentions for self-care since last week’s post. I have taken walks, but not daily. I’ve meditated daily, but not nightly. I’ve done yoga and moved my limbs even though I feel stuck in a rut.
These things are keeping me grounded. Sane.
Because I could lose my mind from rage.
Why is there debate about racism?
Any response to racism must be absolute. Like the most simple of math equations, there is a single correct answer. Any other answer is wrong.
1 + 1 = 2
You might answer 3. You are wrong. Yes you may believe fully in your answer but you aren’t allowed to believe you’re right. There is only one correct response to racism. It is a simple for or against equation. And if you say you’re anti-racist you have to follow through. You have to actively be anti-racist.
It’s a big problem which means it’s a shit tonne of work to address it. But the work is necessary. When you build a society on bad math, you end up with a house of horrors. Perspectives are skewed and angles are off. The foundations are baseless. There comes a time when the walls will come tumbling down. And yet there will be resistance. The ones who’ve held the keys won’t want to hand them over.
Here’s another adage “the squeaky wheel gets the grease”. If that wheel is dangerous and puts lives at risk, the grease will be a waste of resources. The wheel needs to be changed. We need to be louder than the wheel to make the change happen. Change and rebuilding is hard work, it doesn’t happen overnight. But we have to agree that the change is necessary. Again the response on this must be absolute. You cannot be anti-racist and participate in racist systems. We cannot say yes the house is crumbling, let’s put up new curtains. The veil has been lifted, and just like Dorothy we can’t unsee what has been exposed to the world.
And so social media feeds continue to be populated with action items and updates. It’s distracting. Where are the cat memes and talking dogs?
Where are the black souls that never made it home after a run in with police?
The news cycle is relentless. I’ve dialed down to the smallest doses, but still there is so much to be vigilant about. Councils are voting. Budgets are being approved. There are calls to make and petitions to sign. So many petitions. And emails. I tweak each one so they don’t sound like form letters. After ten I give up and trust the sheer volume will speak as loudly as the cry of mothers who’ve lost their children to the cancer of racism.
I’m exhausted and I want to unplug. I want to scroll through travel pics. I miss browsering sales instead of fact checking posts. But the house is crumbling, the foundation is sagging. There is work to do. I have work to do. I must do both. I don’t have the luxury privilege to not.
But rest is necessary. Sleep is necessary. I eventually call it quits and
shut it all down. I vow to have better balance tomorrow.
Maybe I’ll post a smiling picture. Flowers are nice when they pop up in my feed. And puppies.
Maybe I’ll just sit still for 10 minutes before I turn off the light. Maybe that will be enough. I’ll try to get the balance right tomorrow.
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