It is 10:40 am, I’m sitting cross-legged in the middle of my mat and there is a block on either side of me. I’m quite proud of myself for even being here, I’ve made it to exactly three 10 am classes this year. Mornings aren’t my thing. I swing my legs forward and put my hands on the blocks. The instructor is telling us what we’re going to do after four resting breaths but he’s starting to sound like the Charlie Brown teacher. This usually happens when it’s time to do handstands, my brain seizes and my jaw muscles tighten. But he’s not talking about inversions, he’s using the words ‘core’ and ‘balance’. I know I’m off-balance, it’s why I put in the extra effort to get to a class. I also know my arms can’t compensate for my weak abs. Twenty minutes ago my right arm felt like spaghetti and I am mortified at the thought of it buckling, leaving me an inelegant mess amidst toned and twisted limbs.
All around me, legs crossed at the ankle hover inches above the mats. This is impressive enough but they’re also extending straight and contracting into the torso while still hovering. I know not to focus on the surrounding mats, I know the mantra. Yoga is not a competitive sport, everyone’s going to be at different levels and everyone’s body has its own story. But still if there is someone else in the room with deficient core strength we could make eye contact and silently commiserate. Then through the wah wah wah I hear him say
You made a choice to be here. You may as well commit to it now you’re here.
And there it was, the koan of today’s practice. Yoga is not for everyone, but for me, there is always some sage reminder about how to live off the mat. Make a choice and commit. No one forced me to be there, I might as well do what I was there to do. Or at least try.
A good yoga teacher never does a challenging pose or sequence just once. Kind of like life, those really good lessons, the ones that sting the ego and wound the pride, they get repeated. Who says there are no do-overs? So yeah, I made a choice to be here and maybe I get points for turning up but why not take the next step and really show up. Be present in the challenge of the moment. If this was a Hollywood movie I’d be telling you that I then seized those blocks and hoisted my hundred and a quarter pounds into space and executed half a dozen leg extensions. But it’s more like a clip made with the Vine app. I hovered and two seconds later felt the floor solidly under my ass. I tried again but my muscles were done for the day. But with trembling spaghetti arms I had hovered. I did that.
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