He’s shuffling down the street with that side to side list kids get when they ‘re cocooned in down – snow pants, parka and heavy soled water proof boots. And he’s bawling. The nylon snow pants keep up the swish swish rhythm under his open mouth sobs. I’m walking nephew No. 2 back from karate class and he’s upset because he doesn’t want to go back to the daycare, he wants to go home.
But Aunty K has an appointment and can’t stay with him so he has to go back to daycare until one of his parents picks him up. It doesn’t matter how rational an explanation is No. 2 wears his emotions on his sleeve, and since he hasn’t had all the socialization taboos drilled into him he’s completely free with his expression. It’s cold and I’m in a hurry so the best tactic is to let him cry it out. And I do, side coaching along the way – ‘that’s right buddy, let it out’, ‘i know it’s super disappointing to not get what you want’, ‘you’ll be okay, it’s all right, take deep breaths’, ‘ hey i get it, i’ve been there, just today i didn’t get a part i really wanted, oh yeah, there were tears’ – yeah i did that. And it was all true, a role I’d been waiting weeks to hear on was suddenly cast from under me (that’s how it feels when you’re given indications that it’s going your way and it doesn’t).
The big difference between me and my nephew was that by day’s end, he was fine. When we talked about his day later, he summed it up like this: “the worst part was when i had a few tears after karate but the best part was the cheese croissant for snack time”. He’d moved on to the next thing, the next moment; he didn’t stay stuck in the last disappointment. I was still processing and stewing over how things had turned out, and I pretty much did that for two days until the next audition call came. But I lost two days to a funk when I could have just cried it out, told myself the next thing is on the way and moved on.
Maybe it doesn’t have to be an expression of tears, it could be a great workout or a run, or yoga and meditation but get it processed and move on. Learn the art of acceptance and move on. There is always another moment and who knows what treat awaits.
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