I am behind on a handful of Middle Notes and countless quick dip writes. I could blame it on grief. In eight months I’ve mourned my father, an aunt, and in this past week my beloved grandmother. Planning funerals and wrapping up the details of a life are exhausting and no fun.
But it doesn’t change the fact I’m in debt to myself. I made a vow to moi, a commitment to post something at the middle of every week sharing things I’ve learned navigating the crazy journey of life. Death is part of the crazy. I know a thing or two about this part of the crazy.
One thing I know that everyone should know if they don’t already is that funerals are expensive. Even simple burials add up to several thousands of dollars. Now if you’re lucky and have a well prepared family member, they make it a bit easier for the grieving by leaving instructions in the form of a Will, they might even have a retirement account that will easily pay for all the costly details. But what if there’s no Will? What if there’s no money? No life insurance? No retirement account? Sometimes even with those details it can take a long time to get access to accounts. The body however is on it’s own timetable. It needs to be dealt with sooner than later.
So, take the opportunity to start a conversation before things are sensitive and awkward. Ok, talking about death and funeral arrangements is always going to be awkward, but less so than when in the midst of a terminal illness or in the event of an actual death. Details are more challenging when you’re besieged by big emotions.
Years and years ago my aunt announced to me she had bought the dress my grandmother would be buried in. This wasn’t something I wanted to think about or discuss then. So I didn’t. Last week I no longer had that luxury. One cousin found it distasteful and morbid she had done this. I was thankful to have one less detail with which to deal. There’s so much to think about at the time, I say do yourself a big favor and think about it a little before you really have to. Think about whether you’ve got a line of credit to fall back on, sometimes plastic isn’t an option. The last cemetery we dealt with took only cash/cashier’s checks. Think about taking out a cheap insurance policy on the elderly that will help reimburse the expenses. Think about the possibility this might be the occasion for which you break into the rainy day fund. Think about starting a rainy day fund.
Everyone deals with grief in their individual way but there is no deferring the standard details of death. There’s no single ‘right’ way to address things, but these are my thoughts after a few concentrated months in the land of death and grieving. I’m not looking forward to ‘next time’ but I know I’ll be a little more prepared.
0 Comments