I went to see the film Holy Motors last night. Wow. I hadn’t read any reviews because I didn’t want other people’s impressions to color my experience. I do know that it made a ton of top ten lists and is lauded all over the globe. But “Wow” is my most succinct response to the crazy beautiful ride of Holy Motors. It’s a stunning love letter to cinema and Paris. And it’s a curious commentary on the myriad roles we all play day in, day out. We’re all actors you know, like Shakespeare said.
The lead actor, Denis Lavant is captivating as he transforms into a range of characters that would make Fellini proud. I’m a little jealie; it’s an occupational hazard for an actor. I look at all those lovely crazy characters he literally peels on and off and yearn to dive into the emotions and behaviors of some intriguing heroine or tragic figure.
me as Holly Golightly
Most people are content to have one life well-lived but actors are a greedy lot. I want to tap into and explore the human psyche in as many incarnations as I can. I want to touch the pulse of La Marquise de Merteuil, Martha and Marie Laveau, and that’s just the ‘M’s. I want to zip up their words and actions around me like a skin while I breathe life into their lungs and fill their heart with my blood. That is what an actor does when they bring a character to life. The writer presents us with a paper figure, vibrant in the imagination and on the page, but we get the stiffness out and give it dimensions. A committed actor keeps this process as authentic as possible. Even if the character is a cartoon, gotta keep it real.
I think it’s the quest to create truthful characters in audition after audition, role after role that has taught me the most about being genuine and present in life. I had to recognize authentic human emotions to portray them. But more importantly I had to feel authentic human emotions to recognize them. All of them, the good, the bad and the ugly.
When I was a kid I loved the glamour of the movies. I used to watch old black and white movies with my mom on Sunday afternoons. What style! Perfect shiny hair, perfectly defined lips and perfect glycerin tears falling from heavy lashed eyes. I did not look like that when I cried. Crying in movies is decidedly uncool when you’re fourteen. So I taught myself not to cry, no matter how heart wrenching. I was cool. I was strong. I was mucking up my acting mojo in the worst way. If you don’t use it, you lose it. I went through an awful dry period where I couldn’t cry. I did eventually get my mojo back through a combination of working on my craft and stocking my emotional arsenal from the experiences life threw at me. Of course this means I had to actually feel all the shit that was happening which is where therapy came in. But that’s what being authentic entails. You can’t defer emotion, it’ll collect interest and feel worse when it eventually comes out, best to bite the bullet and feel it in the present moment.
I recognize that every time I work on a character I tap into my own demons, fears, resentments, desires, dreams, joys and passions. My career provides me with constant therapy that keeps me in check and grounded. I’m lucky. Being an actor helps me be a better person. It’s a crazy ride and not for everyone, but it’s my thrill.
0 Comments