Grieving is a task, a finite event to be crossed off a list. That’s how it felt. Whenever I was conscious of my grieving I’d remind myself ‘this is where we are right now, this too shall pass’. Wrong. It’s a never-ending process.
Don’t get me wrong, it does change. It evolves. The pain dulls, the anger subsides, and if you’re lucky you’re supported on the first leg of the journey through this bewildering new landscape. But it is not something that you get over and move on. That’s like telling an amputee, ‘the stump’s healed over just fine, carry on as you were’. Really? Two words, Phantom Limb. It’s a condition where the person with a missing or amputated limb has a persistent sensation the limb is still attached and functioning. I imagine that sensation of having mobile digits when you no longer do is like the desire to call and share something with a person who’s no longer there. Prosthetics and therapy can help the transition to life without a limb. The transition with grief is a little trickier.
In time you will remember the number is disconnected, but that won’t get rid of the desire to call. Life carries on but never completely as it was. It’s not a question of better or worse, it’s just different. The loss of a loved one casts a long shadow. The iris of your soul will adjust to the change in light but there will always be a spot of shade. One day it may even be imperceptible to the naked eye.
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