She came into my room with some socks she found in the dryer. She stopped short, taking in the changes in the room.
“I needed to change something,” I explained. She looked down at me sitting on the rug and I could see I made absolutely no sense. It was late at night after a very long day. In the short time we’d been home, I had moved the bed, the table and the art on the walls.
“I needed to change something,” I repeated. She continued looking at me with that blend of confusion and bemused indulgence that mothers of the young and long time friends are expert at. My sister is both these things and so very expert with this look. I opened my mouth to use new words, more words, words to clarify but the same five came out. The scent of death had permeated the afternoon and befuddled my brain. I saw understanding dawn upon her. I summarized, “I’m hoping I’ll sleep better.”
I did sleep better. This is good because today features the words oncologist, cancer center and radiation oncologist. These are words I cannot change but having a rested and clear mind will help me navigate the words and treachery of cancer land.
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