“I start at 6:00. Sharp.” She said., “Life happens, I get it, but if you’re chronically late you have to look at that.”
There were ten of us in the room but I was pretty convinced she was talking to me. It was 6:10 when I squeezed through the door, breathless and harried. How did that happen? I had left plenty of time to get to the class. Too much time, enough time to squeeze in one last errand. And a wholly altruistic errand at that, I am never willfully the ”bad guy” when I’m late. But yes, I am looking at it. Ad nauseum. This is how I see it.
Personal boundaries. We gotta have them. I am afflicted with the caretaker-slash-helper gene, so I have to learn to say NO, consistently. I have been schooled on this before but the reminders still come. You will repeat the lesson until it is learned.
This is what I’ve learned:
(Photo credit: Horia Varlan)
- If I spend all my spare time at the disposal of friends or family I never have any for myself. I will grow resentful of the very people who’s well being I care about, if I do this consistently. As much as Aunty k loves a marathon game of Monopoly, I don’t have time to play today buddy.
- Multitasking is overrated – you are constantly not fully present in your own life. Every time I’m on the phone while doing something else, things have to be repeated, things get missed, and the conversation takes longer than needed. If I don’t have time to talk, say it off the top. Also I’m starting the habit of asking if it’s a good time when I initiate the call, maybe it will be mimicked back to me.
- Because saying NO is difficult it’s easier to just take a break from everyone. Then feelings get hurt. Or I find myself cast as the flaky friend who checks out at random. Suck it up and say NO when necessary.
- If I match drinks with a drunk I will get blind drunk. We don’t do that anymore.
Knowing my limits and boundaries is empowering. I”m not saying NO, I’m saying YES to me. And so far all the NO’s this week have kept me 100% on time.
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