My bank offered me a line of credit last week. There was a small questionnaire that’s usually a minor formality but because I answer yes that someone in my family had been diagnosed with cancer before the age of sixty a follow-up interview was necessary. And so we begin. Last Doctor’s visit? A year ago. What was the reason? Just a routine check up. Any tests taken? Just regular blood tests. I continue to give her my medical Read more…
I figured out eventually that it’s not the death and dying, its the absence of the living. Absence being the key. The death and dying part are but a moment, it’s the after part that throws your world upside down and inside out. The absence of that person, once so vital to your life, becomes the new reality. I never fully got over my obsession with seeing a dead body. Luckily my mother was not Read more…
‘Stating the Obvious’ alert. Obviously it’s a challenge to keep my posts regular. This blogging business is harder than I thought. But that’s obviously true for much of life, you just don’t know until you know. And you can’t know until you try. So I’m going to give this another try. You can never be prepared for when a loved one passes. Fact. It falls into that category of experiences you just can’t know until Read more…
Grieving is a task, a finite event to be crossed off a list. That’s how it felt. Whenever I was conscious of my grieving I’d remind myself ‘this is where we are right now, this too shall pass’. Wrong. It’s a never-ending process. Don’t get me wrong, it does change. It evolves. The pain dulls, the anger subsides, and if you’re lucky you’re supported on the first leg of the journey through this bewildering new Read more…
Image via Wikipedia When I was growing up the favorite hue of a favorite aunt was anything but black. Any color was fair game for her closet. Evenings out were cloaked in patterns of pink (hot) and varying shades of red or wine (from Beaujolais to bordeaux). Church clothes were saturated gem tones – amethyst, lapis, citrine and amber. I was forced to go and change one Easter because my dark palette was offensive to the Read more…
Grief is the bully of the emotional playground. In the midst of laughter and squeals of delight it will come stomping through the sandbox; it’s shadow covering the jungle gym and monkey bars, while other feelings cling to the periphery of the chain link fence. I started taking a Flamenco class. I’m enthralled with the intense emotions embodied in the dance. Love and Hate wear the same flaming red, Joy and Grief come in a Read more…
Tonight was my seven-year old nephew’s last soccer game for the season. I won’t keep you in suspense; they lost. Badly. 6-0. The other team were veterans of the league, they had played together last year, they had ‘plays’. But before I digress into a rant about details that are beside the point, like the fact they had four coaches versus our one calling out plays and some of the kids looked to be on Read more…
Deep breath. And release. Remove any pressure to be profound and earth shattering. Ok. I can do that. So now what? Confess I’m feeling a little self conscious here? I suppose that seems odd in this era of living out loud. Every facet of life is chronicled online, once silent thoughts are tweeted to the world at large. Opinions are posted publicly and frequently. Sex tapes are ubiquitous. But no one really lets it all Read more…