Things were going so well. Lia wonders if she jinxed things. She can’t help reviewing the tally so far: he’s a vegan, he has a sister who is a professor of feminist Victorian literature, he likes backgammon, he hates poker, he rides a bike, doesn’t do yoga but is willing to try. Samuel is a great guy. He’s brewing them a pot of lavender rooibos tea right now! Lia waits on the futon couch, but Read more
“I bite my nails, that’s my one vice” M says. I used to bite my nails. But in my teens I was shamed into stopping. I had just started modeling and I remember a hair stylist using words like ‘disgusting’ and ‘gross’ when he looked at my hands. It was clear I was worthless as a model, and perhaps a human being if I kept sticking my fingers in my mouth. It Read more
Timing is everything. That is the number one rule in comedy. At least that was what Carrie was told when she started writing jokes at ten. Her dad said there were too many details to keep track of but she should stick with it because redheads make great comediennes. Carrie has hated being a redhead her whole life. She hates freckles and creamy skin. She hates the color orange in all shades but reserves the Read more
Ninety-nine problems and the bitch is one. Billy says it’s my fault for locking her out that time. She was only outside for half an hour! My question is why didn’t she bark when she heard me heading to the front door? Billie always barks, yeah, his dog’s name is Billie, that would be problem number sixty-five. Anyway, whenever anyone approaches the front door – from inside or outside – the pooch goes Read more
One day they would find her body fossilized in the memory foam. Every morning Nikki felt she sank a little lower into the mattress and had to pry herself out like a Looney Tunes character in wet concrete. It took all her fight for the day to get up. She missed every class that started before noon. She looked at the stack of titles by the bedside, Rumi, Hafiz,Julia Cameron and Byron Katie were not Read more
It was a hatin’ day. Corinne knew it as soon as the creamer curdled in her coffee. grandmamma always told her to pay attention to the signs. Corinne switched to tea but knew that no matter how positive an attitude she started with, some days were destined to challenge you. She turned the sign in the window to ‘Open’ and went about setting out her shears and combs. The KISSes Beauty Salon was her grandmamma’s Read more
Cousin Hagatha is coming to spend the weekend again. Shoot me now. Seriously, just do it, one nice clean shot to the temple. My mother knows she is condemning me to a fate worse than hell. It is a purgatory of bland, amorphous indecisiveness. Hagatha is the Dick Parent’s niece. Her mother is dead and Dick Parent’s baby brother abuses the widow card way too much. Dick Parent abuses my mother’s Christian conscience with little Read more
Yesterday I heard someone say that they had a great Monday morning because it felt like a Sunday morning. I was immediately envious. On Monday I had to get up with the alarm even though my body wasn’t ready, I had residual irritation from the overly long and underwhelming Oscar show the night before and I was anxious about an audition. Oh first world problems how you plague me. Why was I envious of the Read more